for some years now, my experience with mapping has reflected a lot my own life. when i started, my innocent admiration for my favorite maps slowly morphed into the "mythification" of some people. maybe because of their unique mapping style, feats achieved, or just plain status. this was a mental barrier that made things feel unreachable when, of course, that wasn't true. so without really thinking through it, the only solution i tried was to try and "mythify myself".
for around one year since Duvet was ranked, i felt like a frustrated one-hit wonder, like i could not reach that same level again for some reason. this was, like many other things in my life at the time, a projection of my own insecurities. a fear of change, even if it meant success. because of it, everything felt forced, impure, i percieved my creativity as dulled, and felt like i was on some sort of silent ego-battle with others on each interaction. i was an impostor. White Hare felt heavy on me. of course, i was spiraling down on myself and nobody else, fueled by a sick invisible pressure. this eventually led me to quit modding and letting Kawanote go. after some time, reflecting on it, i realized that the core mentality of "the myth" was one key factor that prevented me from having fun and exploring with new ideas. no one is a myth, everyone has a belly button. slowly, i had to learn to let go of other influences, take many steps back, and patiently focus on what i really wanted. Atsumin as an OC of mine and as a new identity helped me a lot with this. my evergrowing minimalist attitude eased me into getting rid of anything that didn't really make me happy. i started to really love myself, and act accordingly, not only with words, but with discipline, introspection and with an objective.
today, one big thing i strive for is to always say the truth, and i mean always, because lying is a poison most of us don't even know we take and mostly apply to ourselves, daily, and then spreads to lying to others. for that, i really want to transmit truthfulness through my maps, aswell as with any other form of art i make. in any way, today i see failure as a positive experience and something to learn from, a lot more failure will come and i'll be there to take it all the way. success will come eventually... my intention is to cut back a lot on interacting with people, but i'm open if you want to talk, just be polite and treat me as an equal. i am immensely grateful of all the good souls that helped me take this path. i take it easy now.