Beatmap Listing » LeaF - MARENOL

Artist:LeaF Circle Size:
Approach Rate:
Title:MARENOL HP Drain:
Star Difficulty:
(3.72)
Creator:Raytoly Accuracy:
Length:2:23 (2:21 drain)
Source: Genre:Electronic (Instrumental) BPM:140
Tags:rhytoly 除草剤 joso zai the bms of fighters g2r2018 climax go back 2 your roots 2018 climax sdvx sound voltex User Rating:
15 124
Success Rate:
Points of Failure:
(graph is accumulative, based on % at fail/retry)
27.0% (1332 of 4932 plays)
Submitted:
Ranked:
May 4, 2019
Mar 22, 2020
Rating Spread:
Favourited 63 times in total
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Options:Modding / Discussion

I simplified patterns on nightmare to have less mono and shorter patterns but SR increased wtf
I hope it's more playable
Hypes: bernard351,gokugohan12468,Laby,CrowWhite,Yasuho
BNs: Vulkin,Gamelan4
Her Nightmate
Every day, I keep a dream journal.
Some people say that over time it might start making dreams feel like real life
and that's dangerous...but I haven't felt that way.
More than that, people say it's a good way to improve one's mental health.
But it seems like that's true of all routines.
For me, it's just fun. Reading back on it, it's like I have more memories.
Dreams and memories are about the same thing once they're in the past, so it doesn't feel far from the truth to say they really happened to you.
But it's actually really hard to write a dream journal...they slip out of your memory so easily.
The details slip away from you as you write.
You have to record them as fast as possible.
Apparently professional interviewers don't use words at all.
They just use a personal system of simple symbols to record everything.
But I can't do that sort of thing....so I frequently miss days. It's difficult to be accurate, too.
...in writing my journals, I've lately had a disproportionate number of bad dreams. And they feel so real.
Death is a given, and often I'll suffer for a long time without dying.
I'll immediately wake up after death, but just before it feels like reality.
Pain, suffering...nothing but that. Recently sleep itself has become scary, no, terrifying.
Since I'll feel the pain of death every time I sleep...I think it's a little impressive to keep writing dream journals even through that.
...maybe the way all that pain resets when I wake up
is the real motivation for my journals.
Since I might really die someday.
And I can only think of one reason why I've been having all these bad dreams. That drug.

Marenol.
An antidepressant I got hold of myself instead of being prescribed.
I'm, well, depressed. I took the drugs I was prescribed at first, but they didn't do anything.
I've done counseling, too, but I never had any confidence in it.
Unsurprisingly, I soon stopped medicating, and soon I lost the will to go outside.
Even leaving my room became a challenge. I stopped eating, started collapsing and vomiting.
Even though there was nothing to vomit up...heh.
For better or for worse, in the middle of all that, I found an antidepressant on the internet.
I wasn't actually looking for one...
Instead, while I was looking for suicide methods without any intention of actually going through with it, it showed up in some automatic interstitial.
(Is it really a good thing to stop people who want to die?)
Its main effects: powerful antidepressant properties, mood enhancement, healing depression itself, nutritional supplementation, with a very long tail of effectiveness...nothing short of perfect.
But I was more interested in the side effect. "Dreams so bad they approach death."
I was dubious of whether they were actually that bad,
But having "recovery" as a main effect and "death" as a side effect is sort of win-win for someone suicidal.
And dream journals had almost made bad dreams a little fun.
And there are a lot of drugs with bad dreams as a side effect.
It's hard to tell if the drugs actually cause them or they were happening anyway...
So apparently it's really not that big a deal.
I really didn't think it would be that bad...in retrospect, I was overconfident.
I just took a bunch without paying too much attention to the instructions.
I figured, hey, I've OD'd before.

Thinking back, since it was on a suicide site...it must have been intended for "that".
Something that only people prepared for "that" would use.
At the very least, it was all true. Dreams like living hell. I die over and over again.
The pain, no different from real life.
I knew that suicide by overdose was painful, but...it was stupid to attempt something like this.
Oh god, I want to die. Or...am I already dying? Christ, please.
I know I said I wanted to die, but not this terribly.
The worst part it...when I'm awake, I feel fine.
I'm almost sickeningly happy. It's a little amazing that it's so effective I'm able to write this.
But...it's all a trap. It's like the main effect is death, and the side effect is wanting to live.
It wouldn't be that bad if it was just dying in a dream, but...
It all hurts just as much as if it was real life.
"Dreams so bad they approach death"...I thought it was talking about dying in the dream.
But I've heard of people dying because their dreams felt so real their brains went into shock.
So maybe it was talking about death in the real world. If so...I know I'll die that way.
It feels so real, I can't tell how I'm still alive.
Just make it either a dream or real, please...it's not like it makes a difference.
The pain of being impaled by a lance, being crushed by the ceiling, of starving for oxygen as I drown...
Even though it's just a dream, it's all real to me.
There's nothing I can do but wait until the effects run out.
Even though it's been days since I took it, it's still in my system.
I have no idea how long it lasts...and until then, there's nothing I can do but die, over and over again.
But I have no other options...a punishment I inflicted on myself.
If I die, it'll be with no external injuries...no one will be able to tell what killed me.
That's why I'm writing all this here...both my life and my dreams.

Good night.
Kyoko Sakura is in the lead! ()
Score569,044 (100.00%)
Max Combo449
300 / 100 / 50449 / 0 / 0
Misses0
Geki (Elite Beat!)6
Katu (Beat!)0
ModsHD,NC

Top 50 Scoreboard

RankScoreAccuracyPlayerMax Combo300 / 100 / 50GekiKatuMissesMods
569,044 100.00% Kyoko Sakura 449 449  /  0  /  0 6 0 0 HD,NC
566,666 99.44% beru 449 444  /  5  /  0 6 0 0 HD,NC
547,279 96.21% kat0 449 415  /  34  /  0 3 1 0 HD,DT
545,375 99.89% Raytoly 449 448  /  1  /  0 0 0 0 NC
544,984 99.55% takumit25 449 445  /  4  /  0 11 0 0 DT
543,805 99.44% Fudgy 449 444  /  5  /  0 1 0 0 DT
543,344 99.33% ToraThePotato 449 443  /  6  /  0 0 0 0 NC
542,266 99.11% Jaye 449 441  /  8  /  0 1 0 0 DT
542,245 99.11% C O L L A P S E 449 441  /  8  /  0 2 0 0 DT
541,225 98.55% [Zeth] 449 436  /  13  /  0 10 1 0 NC
539,816 98.78% Optimus Prime 449 438  /  11  /  0 4 0 0 DT
538,553 98.78% diegi 449 438  /  11  /  0 1 0 0 DT
538,300 98.33% arbiter of soup 449 434  /  15  /  0 2 0 0 DT
536,725 98.44% Maxbel 449 435  /  14  /  0 9 1 0 NC
535,907 98.66% s6ha 449 437  /  12  /  0 0 0 0 DT
534,118 97.55% gg1ng_gg4ng 449 427  /  22  /  0 11 0 0 DT
533,599 98.11% Henry03 449 432  /  17  /  0 0 0 0 DT
531,394 97.22% miwoo 449 424  /  25  /  0 0 0 0 DT
529,316 97.10% akasoko 449 423  /  26  /  0 0 0 0 NC
527,686 100.00% Azfia 449 449  /  0  /  0 8 0 0 HR
527,686 100.00% Conor 449 449  /  0  /  0 7 0 0 HR
527,686 100.00% kevin3333g 449 449  /  0  /  0 11 0 0 HR
527,686 100.00% Leralice 449 449  /  0  /  0 1 0 0 HR
527,686 100.00% RAI_4 449 449  /  0  /  0 2 0 0 HR
525,754 99.78% BluePlusSymbol 449 447  /  2  /  0 4 1 0 HR
525,190 95.99% u8_sunflower 449 413  /  36  /  0 11 0 0 NC
523,227 99.22% polemik victor 449 442  /  7  /  0 0 0 0 HR
522,120 96.10% Murasame_ 449 414  /  35  /  0 4 0 0 DT
521,947 95.32% Vardex 449 407  /  42  /  0 0 0 0 DT
521,854 98.78% kamaboko117 449 438  /  11  /  0 0 0 0 HR
521,718 98.89% miki2003pl 449 439  /  10  /  0 3 0 0 HR
521,074 98.78% kuudere-desu 449 438  /  11  /  0 0 0 0 HR
517,923 95.21% rinnnegreen 449 406  /  43  /  0 3 0 0 DT
516,472 98.00% Trag1k 449 431  /  18  /  0 0 0 0 HR
516,277 97.33% DsMAENOL2R 449 425  /  24  /  0 1 0 0 DT
514,540 97.66% Hypermaester77 449 428  /  21  /  0 11 0 0 HR
514,513 98.00% LabyIsMyWaifu 449 431  /  18  /  0 1 0 0 HR
514,473 97.22% ledragon 449 424  /  25  /  0 0 0 0 HR
513,676 96.99% LegitPlayer 449 422  /  27  /  0 5 0 0 HR,SD
511,505 96.99% TheCoconutHuman 449 422  /  27  /  0 5 0 0 HR
511,094 96.77% shimiusu 449 420  /  29  /  0 3 0 0 HR
510,062 96.77% Kozzo 449 420  /  29  /  0 7 0 0 HR
509,604 100.00% RaDiLBeLLFLoWeR 449 449  /  0  /  0 4 0 0 None
508,944 99.89% wwwwww 449 448  /  1  /  0 0 0 0 None
508,833 94.32% Yin_HK 449 398  /  51  /  0 2 0 0 NC
508,364 99.67% Me1ty_k1ss 449 446  /  3  /  0 0 0 0 None
507,844 99.67% Corraotic 449 446  /  3  /  0 4 0 0 None
507,734 99.67% yozkura2020 449 446  /  3  /  0 1 0 0 SD
507,603 96.55% MizukiMeiChan 449 418  /  31  /  0 2 2 0 HR
507,121 96.33% krnake_v2 449 416  /  33  /  0 4 0 0 HR
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